Getting girls to feel an attraction for you - that isn’t simply based on your looks, the contents of your wallet or the car you’ve got parked outside - can be really tricky.
After all, how are men supposed to know what each girl’s looking for without asking?
If you DID ask, you know your chances would be small, after all, no girl wants a guy approaching her with needy questions - she wants a confident man who somehow seems to know what she’s after and can give it to her.
So how do you do it?
How do you become the man that effortlessly exudes confidence, dominance and presence, without turning into an arrogant poser or desperate wannabe?
The answer lies in psychology. It’s at the heart of all persuasive social situations, and absolutely central to the success of any guy’s attempts at attracting and seducing women. Quite simply, by learning the CORRECT psychological rules, principles and tactics, any guy can play and WIN at the game of seduction. For example, let’s look at one such psychological technique, that used correctly boosts any guy’s chance of getting a girl’s number or hooking up with her at a later date by at least 50%, each and every time he uses it. It’s called option limitation and works on the following principle of human nature:
When someone’s presented with only a single choice, often their natural reaction will be to rebel against it and go their own way. However, when given 2 or 3 options, the opposite occurs: they feel their intellectual freedom has been respected and they make their choice from the variety of options they’ve been presented with.
You can use this universal psychological principle when picking-up or seducing a woman by carefully constructing how you pose important questions or phrases while talking to her.
For example, most men think saying: “Can I have your number?” is an okay way to finish a conversation that’s gone well with a girl. But a much more powerful and effective way of saying the same thing would be to use option limitation. Something like: “It’s been nice to meet you. Shall we swap numbers or maybe grab a bite to eat and a drink tomorrow?” What you’re doing is presenting the girl with a choice between good and better – whichever she says yes to, you win. If you only give her one option, as in the first example, she’s likely to create her own alternative, which means there’s a chance she won’t say yes to the option you gave her. When she subconsciously recognises that she’s been given a choice between multiple outcomes, she feels her intellectual freedom has been respected and she chooses one of them.
So, always use option limitation to give the impression there’s a variety of options available to the girl – even though each one is fine as far as you’re concerned. And to strengthen the effect of option limitation, always try to separate the choices you give the girl with the word “or.” When people hear “or” they automatically recognise that they need to make a choice, and therefore do just that.
Option limitation is just one example of how, whether they know it or not, men who are successful with women CREATE that success for themselves – not through luck or good fortune.
Are you hoping to find a girl who you can be in a steady relationship with? This article will go over some of the things you can do that will help your chances with any girl.
1. Talk to as many women as possible, not just girls you're immediately attracted to. This give you good practice in talking to women (especially if you have any anxiety about that) and learning about how girls feel and think, in general. Make it a goal to talk to at least 5 new women a day (in person, any woman, any age, any appearance, any personality).
2. Don't use “canned material”, “nuclear attraction” routines, or other social robotics. The best way to make a connection with someone is to come from the heart and live fully in the moment. What you say isn’t nearly as important as how you say it. Socializing is about exchanging energy, not being a wordsmith. When in doubt, just say “Hi”.
3. Put yourself out there. You don't have to hit the bars or the clubs if that's not your scene, but you have to do something that exposes you to new people. Pursue interests and activities that mean a lot to you. The Internet has made this a whole lot easier. Check forums, listings, classifieds, and listservs for local events or meetings that are likely to attract people with similar interests or passions. You can also explore new interests or activities--you might find a new passion and a girlfriend in one fell swoop!
4. Keep an open mind. If you're looking for a girlfriend (that is, someone who will be in a committed relationship with you) you should be more willing to overlook initial shyness and awkwardness so that you can get to know a person over more than one date. Your future girlfriend might be someone who you initially didn't see as "girlfriend material" but as you spend more time with her, you discover more things you like about her and you suddenly find yourself romantically interested.
5. Practice genuinely complimenting girls. Challenge yourself to find something beautiful in any girl. It doesn't have to be something physical; it can be a cute gesture, an admirable trait, a talent or skill. Recognizing and expressing true appreciation for any and every girl will make you more attracted to girls and girls more attracted to you.
6. Flirt. A big part of being charming is knowing how to flirt, and the people who are best at flirting are people who are always in a playful and laid back.
7. Become a good conversationalist. Don't babble on and on about your mother, your cat, or your collection of bugs. A good conversationalist keeps finding things they have in common, and they do it in a casual, non-intrusive way. For example, there's a difference between asking someone "Have you ever held a tarantula?" and saying "Have you ever felt the tiny hairs of a tarantula's legs brush up against the palm of your hand?" The latter is more poetic, but way too intimate for a first conversation for most people.
8. Close the deal. If you like the woman you're talking to, be the one who ends the conversation. This prevents the conversation from lingering into an awkward silence, shows that you're busy (i.e. not needy or desperate), and allows you to end the conversation on a positive note. When you end the conversation, simply say "Hey, I've gotta go, but it's been really good talking to you. Want to continue this over a cup of coffee sometime?" If she says yes, get her phone number and move on. If she says no, just move on. That's all there is to it.
9. When you go on dates with girls, break the touch barrier. If you're terrified of touching someone the wrong way, to the extent that you hesitate and never touch them first, your intentions are good and all, but your "touch paralysis" isn't helping you at all in the romantic department. Take a few little "touch risks". Be playful. Don't just always wait for them to do it first. If they don't like it, they'll definitely let you know. But touching someone communicates to them that you find them attractive, and also that you're reasonably confident. Both of these things can make someone feel more attracted to you.
10. Make her laugh. Girls love guys who have a good sense of humor, and the key to having a good sense of humor is to be lighthearted, and unabashedly yourself. As long as you're not making fun of people in a mean-spirited way, anything goes. Is your sense of humor perverted? Slapstick? Sarcastic? Go with it, and don't worry about whether or not she thinks you're funny because you know what? If she can't laugh with you, then this isn't a girl you want to spend a lot of time with anyway. And who knows? Maybe another girl—one whom you hadn't noticed before—will be laughing so hard that her soda comes out of her nose, and maybe you've just found your soulmate.
11. Help someone. It could be her, or it could be someone else in the room. Is she carrying something heavy? Say "let me help you with that" and carry it for her. Is someone short on cash? Lend them a few dollars so they can eat lunch. Hold the door open for the next person coming through, even if they haven't reached it yet. In other words, be a kind and generous person. Not only will it get her attention, but it will also make you feel good about yourself. Don't be fake and do nice things only when she's around, though. Help people all the time, in a wide variety of ways. She'll notice, and so will the people she knows, and on the occasion that you come up in a conversation, people will say "He's such a great person!" and this girl will start thinking "Yeah...he is, isn't he?"
12. If you find yourself getting lots of girl friends but no girlfriend, avoid the friend zone. The key here is to stop investing time and energy into girls who don't want to be your girlfriend. That may sound cold, but the fact is that you're "tying up" your feelings by maintaining a close friendship with someone who you have feelings for, but who isn't romantically interested in you. It'll be difficult to develop feelings for someone else if your feelings for this person are fueled every time you hang out. Even if you do manage to develop feelings for someone else, your heart might always be torn and confused, and it'll be hard to give your new flame your undivided affection. Sometimes the best thing to do is to take a "friend zone" friendship down to the level of acquaintance so you can focus more on dating.
13. If you find that girls are interested in you and then pull away, stop being needy. You might be scaring women off with your eagerness (which can come off as desperation). Slow down, and avoid the temptation to idealize every girl you like. If you find yourself using or even thinking the word "perfect" then you're probably putting her on a pedestal. Fill your life with so many activities that you're too busy to become infatuated with any one girl.
14. Be patient. Life doesn't normally work on the schedule you envision. Your future girlfriend might cross your path tomorrow or two years from now. A healthy relationship will color your world no matter how old you are, so don't rush into things, or else you might end up forcing the wrong person into the girlfriend role, which will cause pain for everyone involved.
Tips
# Have your own life. Girls don't like guys who have no lives, and who cling to them like plastic wrap. Some girls do like that, but for all the wrong reasons—either they are insecure and needy for attention, or they're control freaks who have a need for dominating guys. Unless you want to sign up for either of those scenarios, make sure your life has no shortage of your own friendships, interest, hobbies and goals.
# Whenever you're in a setting where there are girls around, talk to all of them and choose one you'd like to spend more time with. Make it a habit to try and exchange contact information with at least one girl every time you're around them. If she isn't interested, no big deal, there's always next time. If you go on a few dates and it doesn't turn into a relationship, that's no big deal either. The point is the more you date, the higher your chances of getting a girlfriend.
# Extended, direct eye contact is something lovers usually do. It's something you can do if the person you're talking to is noticeably romantically interested, but even then it's risky because the creep factor is high if you're mistaken. Look someone in the eye while they're talking, but also be sure to pull your gaze away periodically and shift your interest to other things. And check to make sure you don't have a tendency of staring at someone's body (chest, hands, shoes, whatever) even if in admiration or curiosity. In general, you don't want to make someone feel like they're under a microscope.
# Learn to read body language. Whether you notice or not, people are always giving signal as to how they feel about you. If you're able to read these signals, you'll be able to adapt your words and behavior so that you can do more of what a girl likes, or stop wasting time with girls who don't like anything you're saying or doing.
Warnings
# Don't talk about past relationships. This is a no-no and a sure turn-off. You will only project the impression that you are unable to let go. If a girl asks about your last relationship, just tell them that you realized the two of you weren't as compatible as you initially thought, so you have moved on to look for someone with whom to discover greater mutual happiness. Keep it brief and don't ask about their ex.
# Be positive. If you have had a bad day, still greet them with pleasure and a big smile. Don't spend your time with a girl complaining about the traffic, your boss, or your job. If you must whine, whine a little and end that very short whine with a "glad I'm here with you now!" remark.
# It's worth repeating that you should not go on and on about unique hobbies or interests unless the person shares them or asks a lot of questions. If they only ask a few questions, that doesn't necessarily mean they're interested; it probably means they're being polite, so don't dominate the conversation with your enthusiasm. When first meeting someone, it's more important to listen to what they have to say than to talk about yourself.
# One thing that holds many guys back is being scared that she'll misinterpret you. For example, you might not want to help her carry something because you're worried she'll think you're a macho guy, and you're implying that she can't carry it herself. But push the fear aside and think about what you're really doing. You're just helping her because you genuinely want to, and what could possibly be wrong with that? If you're not trying to question her ability in any way, then she's not a very nice girl for assuming that you are, is she? So be bold. If what you're doing comes from the heart, a decent girl will see that.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
How to Seduce a Woman Using ‘Deflection Theory
There’s something that often happens when you’re out playing the ‘seduction game’ – that is, when you’re actively looking out for girls you think you’d like to hook-up with. Many men have experienced it, and many thousands of men still do experience it when they themselves are out playing the game. It usually goes something like this: you’re in a group, talking to a couple of girls. You’re with a friend or two, perhaps having drinks in a bar or at a party. You’ve got your eye on one girl in the group in particular and want to make something happen, make a bit of a connection. Thing is, she’s proving the hardest to connect to – sure, she smiles and talks to you nicely and politely, but she’s not returning your flirtatious gestures and comments much, if at all. It’s like she’s playing hard to get or something, whereas her female friends seem to be much more playful and flirty.
This doesn’t happen because you aren’t her type or just because sometimes these things happen (or don’t) – there’s a different, special reason the girl you’re interested in doesn’t appear to be interested in you and it’s got a lot to do with psychology and social standing. You see, when you show you’re interested in a good-looking girl who’s with her friends, you inadvertently bump up her ego and feeling of self-worth. She knows you’ve chosen and are most interested in her and likes this feeling of elevated importance. However, she also knows that if she reacts by becoming really flirty and obviously attracted to YOU, she’ll lose the higher social value she has over her friends (probably the reason you targeted her in the first place), so she therefore maintains her unattainable, “I’m a bit too good for you” status.
However, you can blow this problem out of the water by using DEFLECTION THEORY. You turn the situation on its head and reverse the psychology of your target female by deflecting your attention AWAY from her and ONTO one or more of her friends. When you show her friends (who have lower social value/worth than your target female) more attention and affection, you challenge her ego. So, in an effort to regain her superiority in the hierarchy of her circle of friends, the girl you’re really interested in will subconsciously invest much MORE interest in you by flirting and being playful. As so many women do, she gives into wanting what she feels she cannot have – and, of course, you’ll be happy to have her. She is, after all, the hottest of the group and the one you wanted in the first place. Here’s how to deflect your attention onto one of her friends to make her (the girl you want) feel as if her ego has been challenged and thus make her feel an instant and undeniable desire to get your attention and “win” you back.
1. Use strong eye contact when talking to all of the girls. However, when you’re talking to your target female, occasionally glance away and towards one of the other girls (who will probably be talking amongst themselves or to your friend/friends if you’re with any) and give a slight smile before looking back at your target. This jackhammers a sense of competition into the subconscious mind of the girl you’re really interested in and immediately makes her want to fight for your attention.
2. Casually make physical contact with her friends more than her. For example, touch them on the side of their arm to get their attention or when laughing and joking.
3. When sitting down or standing around talking as a group, face slightly more (as in, the direction of your body/torso) in the direction of one of her friends more than her.
Using deflection theory to challenge a girl you’re interested in’s ego and therefore make her want you more is just one psychological technique you can use to boost your pick-up game. Combine it with others and you maximize your success with the opposite sex in ways most men have and never will experience. You can be the guy that gets the girl!
This doesn’t happen because you aren’t her type or just because sometimes these things happen (or don’t) – there’s a different, special reason the girl you’re interested in doesn’t appear to be interested in you and it’s got a lot to do with psychology and social standing. You see, when you show you’re interested in a good-looking girl who’s with her friends, you inadvertently bump up her ego and feeling of self-worth. She knows you’ve chosen and are most interested in her and likes this feeling of elevated importance. However, she also knows that if she reacts by becoming really flirty and obviously attracted to YOU, she’ll lose the higher social value she has over her friends (probably the reason you targeted her in the first place), so she therefore maintains her unattainable, “I’m a bit too good for you” status.
However, you can blow this problem out of the water by using DEFLECTION THEORY. You turn the situation on its head and reverse the psychology of your target female by deflecting your attention AWAY from her and ONTO one or more of her friends. When you show her friends (who have lower social value/worth than your target female) more attention and affection, you challenge her ego. So, in an effort to regain her superiority in the hierarchy of her circle of friends, the girl you’re really interested in will subconsciously invest much MORE interest in you by flirting and being playful. As so many women do, she gives into wanting what she feels she cannot have – and, of course, you’ll be happy to have her. She is, after all, the hottest of the group and the one you wanted in the first place. Here’s how to deflect your attention onto one of her friends to make her (the girl you want) feel as if her ego has been challenged and thus make her feel an instant and undeniable desire to get your attention and “win” you back.
1. Use strong eye contact when talking to all of the girls. However, when you’re talking to your target female, occasionally glance away and towards one of the other girls (who will probably be talking amongst themselves or to your friend/friends if you’re with any) and give a slight smile before looking back at your target. This jackhammers a sense of competition into the subconscious mind of the girl you’re really interested in and immediately makes her want to fight for your attention.
2. Casually make physical contact with her friends more than her. For example, touch them on the side of their arm to get their attention or when laughing and joking.
3. When sitting down or standing around talking as a group, face slightly more (as in, the direction of your body/torso) in the direction of one of her friends more than her.
Using deflection theory to challenge a girl you’re interested in’s ego and therefore make her want you more is just one psychological technique you can use to boost your pick-up game. Combine it with others and you maximize your success with the opposite sex in ways most men have and never will experience. You can be the guy that gets the girl!
How to Attract A Woman: The Best Ways to Handle Physical
touching/physical contact is an absolutely vital component of seduction. You can’t successfully pick-up a girl without first establishing a basic level of mutual tactility – I.E. Before you can move in for the kill by kissing and/or sleeping with her, you MUST first have a regular, healthy amount of touching that works both ways: she flirtatiously puts her hand on your knee, you encircle her waist with your arm and pull her a little closer – whatever form the physical contact takes, it has to be present for you to achieve your final goal of actual seduction. And that right there is where the problem for many men lies: how can a guy get the ball rolling when it comes to tactility and physical closeness? If the girl’s not being tactile, how can a guy develop mutual physical closeness without freaking her out or scaring her away?
Often men just “go for it” and consequently end up making the girl feel uncomfortable or even slightly violated because of their rushed attempt at physical closeness. Other men decide they don’t want to risk putting a girl off, so hold back any kind of touching or bodily contact – doing so usually sends out the wrong message, that the guy is either not interested in the girl, or that he’s simply too timid to show it, neither of which are attractive scenarios in the mind of a good-looking, fun-loving girl. Okay, so what’s the solution to this awkward problem?
Quite simply, you just need to follow a few basic rules or procedures, all of which conform to the personal boundaries of most girl (and therefore don’t appear uncalled for or rushed) but at the same time clearly indicate that you’re a confident guy who’s not afraid of getting to know girls and even showing it through casual, relaxed physical contact. So, let’s take a look.
1. Many men think that touching a girl in any way when they first meet them is an absolute no-no. But that’s simply not true. To form a positive, strong first impression and create an immediate bond with a girl when you first introduce yourself or get talking, casually and gently touch the outside of her right arm while at the same time verbally expressing something. The outside of a woman’s arm is not intimate enough a place for the touch to feel strange or out-of-place, but at the same time it’s a clear-cut sign that you’re a personable, socially adept kind of guy. Don’t be afraid to give it a try – you’ll notice the benefits immediately.
2. Once you’ve started a conversation with a girl, or when you randomly find yourself chatting to a woman you really like the look of, it’s important to keep up the physical contact. Doing so helps maintain the bond and rapport you’ve already created and also helps build it further, into mutually felt sexual attraction. You can use something called ‘Stealth Tactility’ to do this. Quite simply, stealth tactility involves making physical contact with the girl in a disguised way. For example, if she wants to go to the bar or bathroom but doesn’t know the way, you can use stealth tactility by placing your hand on her shoulder, drawing her in a little closer, swivelling both of your bodies round until you face in the right direction, then point past other people or obstacles with your other hand to where she needs to go.
3. Lastly, always try to use a ‘contact close’ when you finish your conversation with a girl. For example, after swapping numbers or arranging to meet again, give her a kiss on the cheek or a hug and a kiss. Many men think that the hard work’s been done once something’s been arranged for a later date, but making physical contact before you part with a girl is always a great way of ensuring she remembers you and really cannot wait to see you again.
Often men just “go for it” and consequently end up making the girl feel uncomfortable or even slightly violated because of their rushed attempt at physical closeness. Other men decide they don’t want to risk putting a girl off, so hold back any kind of touching or bodily contact – doing so usually sends out the wrong message, that the guy is either not interested in the girl, or that he’s simply too timid to show it, neither of which are attractive scenarios in the mind of a good-looking, fun-loving girl. Okay, so what’s the solution to this awkward problem?
Quite simply, you just need to follow a few basic rules or procedures, all of which conform to the personal boundaries of most girl (and therefore don’t appear uncalled for or rushed) but at the same time clearly indicate that you’re a confident guy who’s not afraid of getting to know girls and even showing it through casual, relaxed physical contact. So, let’s take a look.
1. Many men think that touching a girl in any way when they first meet them is an absolute no-no. But that’s simply not true. To form a positive, strong first impression and create an immediate bond with a girl when you first introduce yourself or get talking, casually and gently touch the outside of her right arm while at the same time verbally expressing something. The outside of a woman’s arm is not intimate enough a place for the touch to feel strange or out-of-place, but at the same time it’s a clear-cut sign that you’re a personable, socially adept kind of guy. Don’t be afraid to give it a try – you’ll notice the benefits immediately.
2. Once you’ve started a conversation with a girl, or when you randomly find yourself chatting to a woman you really like the look of, it’s important to keep up the physical contact. Doing so helps maintain the bond and rapport you’ve already created and also helps build it further, into mutually felt sexual attraction. You can use something called ‘Stealth Tactility’ to do this. Quite simply, stealth tactility involves making physical contact with the girl in a disguised way. For example, if she wants to go to the bar or bathroom but doesn’t know the way, you can use stealth tactility by placing your hand on her shoulder, drawing her in a little closer, swivelling both of your bodies round until you face in the right direction, then point past other people or obstacles with your other hand to where she needs to go.
3. Lastly, always try to use a ‘contact close’ when you finish your conversation with a girl. For example, after swapping numbers or arranging to meet again, give her a kiss on the cheek or a hug and a kiss. Many men think that the hard work’s been done once something’s been arranged for a later date, but making physical contact before you part with a girl is always a great way of ensuring she remembers you and really cannot wait to see you again.
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